BOY GETS GIRL and BOYS' LIFE

Me as Theresa Bedell in BOY GETS GIRL

I’m a little late in talking about these shows, because producing theater takes so much attention that promoting myself takes a back seat! But talking about these shows is more than just sharing the work I’m doing - it’s also a glimpse into my psyche at a time when everything is in turmoil.

For those of you who don’t yet know, on May 15, 2015 I was diagnosed with Stage IIB triple negative invasive ductal carcinoma, also known as aggressive breast cancer. Yes, I am in my 30s, and no, no one else on my family has ever had cancer this young. I am an anomaly.

I was in the midst of our pre-production process for BOY GETS GIRL and BOYS’ LIFE when heard the news and I’m so glad I was. It’s given me so much else to focus on other than my own worries and fears. What’s been interesting is that in BOY GETS GIRL (which I’m acting in - I directed BOYS’ LIFE) I play someone who sinks slowly and deeply into despair and fear. How fitting, then, that I’m experiencing the same kind of dread in my “real” life.

The day I was diagnosed I was in a session we call Dramaturgy at The Seeing Place. Our dramaturgy is different than dramaturgy you normally hear about. Normal dramaturgy involves having an expert go through the script and research the history of the play its details, then share those findings with the director and the cast. For us, this month long process is a chance for the production team and the actors to breakdown the script using a deep analysis that you might find in a literary book club (but this book club lasts for a month on the same text!) It’s during this time that we deeply explore the characters' intentions and the playwright's insights, and we start to craft what story we want to tell as actors, and what story we want to tell as a company as a whole.

So here I am sitting in dramaturgy for the Tony/Theresa date scenes, trying to desperately to seem calm, cool and collected. I had only gotten the diagnosis (by phone) 45 minutes before dramaturgy started and I was still in a bit of shock. (Click here to read about my diagnosis.) I was able to make it through the next few days without telling anyone and opted to make my big reveal to my theater company at our regular Monday night meeting.

Since then I’ve put my head down and worked tirelessly to bring these two plays to life. And the hard work has paid off - I’ve gotten some of the best reviews of my life for BOY GETS GIRL and audiences are raving about BOYS’ LIFE. (Scroll to the bottom to see what critics have said!) But I can’t help shaking the feeling that this is the last show of my “old life” - as soon as it closes I’ll be forced to contend with my new life where things will never be the same.

First and foremost - my hair. Chemo starts for me August 18 (read more here), and nearly all chemo that's used for breast cancer patients make them go bald. I have decided to do an experimental scalp treatment (Cold Caps) to try to stave off the hair loss, but even with that most people lose about 50% of their hair. I’ve built up a specific identity on stage and screen with the hair I have now. What will my “type” be once my hair is thinned or gone? As a person who coaches actors on “the biz” the unknown for my own career is almost crippling. And no amount of “you would look great with short hair/bald/a new style” makes me feel any better. I know people are trying to make me feel better by saying that, but that’s akin to saying, “He’s in a better place” when a loved one dies. It’s a generous sentiment, but the consolation is rarely enough.

In BOY GETS GIRL, my character Theresa is advised to change her name because of an unsavory admirer. It becomes a question of “Your Life or Your Name = Choose.” But her name is her life, because she is a writer who has built her life on her name. This is how I feel as an actor, having built my career on my look. Sure, Theresa can write under another name and I can act under another head of hair. Only those who know me well know how hard earned this particular look is. Here’s the short version:

Me as Cathy Hiatt in THE LAST FIVE YEARS
Such a similar photo as above!

I was asked to dye my hair blonde to do the San Diego premiere of THE LAST FIVE YEARS in 2004. I was a dark brunette, so a change like this was monumental. I was terrified but excited, and knew I could change it back if I didn’t like it. I finished at the salon and went to rehearsal, where the director proceeded to tell me that I didn’t have the right shade of blonde and they would have to wig me. I went into the bathroom and cried. Here I had changed my entire identity, and the director didn’t even like it! I cried all the way home and ran into my fiancé’s arms and told him my story of the day. After I calmed down, he turned to me and said, “We need to talk.” He then proceeded to end our engagement - a fitting thing to have happen a week before opening a musical about a breakup of a marriage. Through all of this turmoil my long blonde hair became a symbol for a new me. I was no longer the regular, brown haired mouse in the corner - I was a blonde, newly single, leading lady living in freedom. And it was that newfound fire that gave me the guts to finally make the move to NYC, which I did 9 months later.

Having to contemplate losing my hair brings all of my past rushing into the forefront. I have changed my look before and survived. But I have also built a successful life that I LOVE and I’m so afraid of what will happen when that changes. Will anyone see me as a musical theater leading lady with short stubby hair? Even if I don’t lose my hair, will I be able to work over the next 6 months when I’m not allow to dye my hair (hello, brown roots!) My hair is just one of the MANY fears and concerns I have as I deal with this disease, but it’s one of the scariest.

I also wanted to note: I think one of the hardest things in coping with all of these is dealing with all of the well wishers who work so hard to see the bright side. There have been dozens of people who have said, “You’ll look great bald!” but that doesn’t actually make me feel better - it makes me feel shallow for caring so much about my hair. Just like Detective Beck in BOY GETS GIRL (who says she knows that changing Theresa’s name will be “a hassle”) losing my identity and having to reshape it for my life AND my career is an intense and scary thing. And, damn it, if I’m going down I’m going down fighting. Bring on those frigid cold caps!

I don't know what this all means for performing, going forward. I am scheduled to do another show with The Seeing Place in November, but I don't know how well I'll be and I have no idea how I will look. The idea of not performing regularly kills me - it's my life blood and I want to hold onto it with all of my might.

So I count myself very lucky that I have been able to fill these past months with art to keep my mind at ease and build up mental strength for the coming months. I surround myself with incredible text by two tremendous writers, amazing actors who are giving their lives over to the audience each night, and our audiences who graciously allow us to tell them stories.

If you can make it out to see one of our last 4 performances you won’t be sorry. The show runs through August 2 - Fri & Sat @ 9pm, Sat & Sun 4pm. You can buy your tickets at www.seeingplacetheater.com/shows/6-boygetsgirl.html. Or... might I invite you to stay to see the whole program (my preference!)? Buy tickets to BOYS’ LIFE as well, which I directed: www.seeingplacetheater.com/shows/6-boyslife.html.

You can also buy tickets at the door. Our theater is located at 309 East 26th St (just east of 2nd Ave.)

Now... here are those reviews from the show...


Reviews from BOY GETS GIRL:

“Leading actress Erin Cronican gives a downright breathtaking performance as Theresa Bedell. Cronican gives Theresa a level of depth and complexity that is profoundly human – above all else, Cronican’s performance made this production real...” - Time Square Chronicles

"In this excellent revival, Erin Cronican (who not only plays the lead role in Boy Gets Girl but also directed Boy’s Life) is absolutely sensational as Theresa. She perfectly epitomizes the successful feminist in today’s world who finds herself forced to balance a variety of different relationships...Much of the success of this production must be attributed to her performance." - A Seat on the Aisle

“Erin Cronican [gives] a richly layered and naturalistic performance.” - Talkin’ Broadway

"Brandon Walker directs a tough and hard-hitting version of Boy Gets Girl, which stars Erin Cronican in a touching, dazzling star performance.” - Theater Pizzazz

"When it came to the storytelling of Boys Gets Girl, the way the mystery unfolded was breathtaking. And that is also partially due to the exquisite performance by Erin Cronican as Theresa. Cronican showed her vulnerability from start to finish, allowing you to want to see her become victorious despite the odds thrown against her. Cronican was dynamic and found a way to not be a victim." - Theater in the Now


Again, you can get tickets at www.seeingplacetheater.com/shows/6-boygetsgirl.html

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To read about my breast cancer story, click here. Some people have asked me how they can help. For you, I have created a post on my medical blog which will keep you updated on what kind of help I could use. You can find it by clicking here.

Erin Cronican's career as a professional actor and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has toured nationally with plays and musicals. She has worked in the advertising & marketing departments of major corporations, film production companies, theater magazines, and non-profit acting organizations. For more information, please visit http://www.erincronican.com.

I'm A Risk Factor

When I got my diagnosis - Triple Negative Stage IIB Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (which is a fancy way of saying Breast Cancer) I was stunned. All of my life I’ve been asked questions by doctors about my general health, and the common consensus was, “Well, you have no risk factors for XXX (cancer, stroke, heart attack, etc) - you don’t smoke, you keep your weight down, you eat healthfully, you have a meaningful outlook on life” etc etc. So when I went in with this pain in my breast, they ran me through the entire battery of questions about chest pain, because the possibility of breast cancer was so rare (like, less than 5% of cases are for women under the age of 40.) Could I have receive trauma in my chest? Is my asthma flaring up? Did I have a cold recently? And so on and so on.

When I answered ‘no’ to all of the above, they started asking me about my family history of cancers. Yes, my maternal aunt has breast cancer, but she was 65 when diagnosed and not considered a risk factor. Yes, my uncle has had renal cancer, but again it was over the age of 50 so not considered a risk factor. Yes, my grandmother had endometrial cancer but she was over the age of 70 and was not considered a risk factor. And even my own history of cancer (did you know that I had skin cancer - basal cell carcinoma?) wasn’t considered a risk factor. I was risk-free and still got cancer. Twice.

My own surprise at my diagnosis was big and it was palpable. But I wasn’t prepared for what the doctor would say to me next:

“Make sure you talk to all of the women in your family, because they are now at a greater risk for getting cancer.”

NEWS FLASH: 

I AM NOW A RISK FACTOR FOR MY FAMILY.

Even as I type this a chill is sent through my spine and I am filled with a sense of panic and dread. From now on the people I love will have to be extra careful because of what is going on with me. On the one hand, maybe this is a little nudge that will make a real difference in their health. But on the other hand I’m riddled with guilt. I know logically that I did not do anything wrong to make cancer happen. But I feel like I couldn’t forgive myself if someone got cancer but didn’t catch it soon enough to do something about it.

So, I did it. Before I was ready to tell the world what I was going through - before I had even processed it myself - I composed an email and sent it to all of the females in my family - aunts, cousins, nieces, sisters and my mom. I also shared with my brother and uncle since it may increase their chance for prostate or male breast cancer.

And I also consented to have full genetic testing done, because I feel like it’s my responsibility to provide my family with full information about our genetics. I should have the results back mid to late July. I think this will give me a lot of peace of mind, even if it shows up positive. I know I have great medical care, and if I’m genetically predisposed to cancer a) I can stop beating myself up for getting cancer, and b) I know that there are things I can do to offset the risks.

But I’m still afraid. Nix that, I’m terrified of what they’ll report. So, until I know I’ll be accepting your comments, love and support to help stave off the mid-grade panic that has been evolving...

Erin :)

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To read about my breast cancer story, click here. Some people have asked me how they can help. For you, I have created a post on my medical blog which will keep you updated on what kind of help I could use. You can find it by clicking here.


Erin Cronican's career as a professional actor and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has toured nationally with plays and musicals. She has worked in the advertising & marketing departments of major corporations, film production companies, theater magazines, and non-profit acting organizations. For more information, please visit http://www.erincronican.com.

Top 10 Benefits of Getting a Lumpectomy [Humor]

Pretty much the only way to deal with a difficult diagnosis is to they to find something positive about the experience. I've found that really hard to do when it comes to something as scary and life-changing as cancer, but I was still able to face my first treatment - a lumpectomy - with an unexpected dose of optimism. I've decided to include some of my observations here so, without further ado... here is my

Top 10 List of Benefits of Getting a Lumpectomy:

10) The radioactive dye they inject for the sentinel node biopsy gives you a little surprise in the bathroom - your pee turns bright blue!

9) The fashion is to die for:

8) Your sense of sarcasm is heightened. (See #9)

7) If you're lucky - and I sure was - your anesthesiology team will be incredibly good looking. There's nothing like flirting when someone's filling your veins with happy juice.*
* This is what my doctor called the cocktail he would give me to lower anxiety before putting me under. He was not kidding - I couldn't stop giggling...

6) Right after the surgery you get as much apple juice, graham crackers and ginger ale as you can stand. I could only stand one sip and bite of each, but the offer was appreciated. :)

5) I have earned the right to wear pink.

Can I have a pony?

4) The swelling makes my boob look bigger. Ah, cleavage! There you are! :)

3) The medication they give you for after-surgery pain makes you feel fuzzy.

2) A lumpectomy TAKES OUT THE CANCER.

and the #1 best thing about getting a lumpectomy:

1) The love from your friends! 

I have received so many amazing care packages and cards from people in my life. The well wishes have been too numerous to even count, but I wanted to include some shout outs of care packages I have received:

Original Silk Painting from Lee

Matzo ball soup (and more food) from Adam

Books and other gifts from Laura

A bag of organic prepared foods from Sue

Care package from Mary Ruth 

A crap ton of donations toward my theater company from a bunch of you!

...Essential oils and a diffuser from Cherie, loads of love and endless TV watching from Candice, fresh food from Tanya, the CUTEST handmade greeting cards and wee gifts from Mary, mini-bottles of bourbon from Veronica & Horatio, strawberries & chocolate from Janice, daisies from Michelle, chocolates from Virginia... I'm sure there are some I'm forgetting (and I promise to update this list as soon as I track those down!) I've also been able to spend more time talking to my mom and reconnected with my sister, which almost make it worth having cancer (I said almost.)

Seriously, your love has meant everything to me. Thank you so much for your support - YOU'RE #1!

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To read about my breast cancer story, click here. Some people have asked me how they can help. For you, I have created a post on my medical blog which will keep you updated on what kind of help I could use. You can find it by clicking here.


Erin Cronican's career as a professional actor and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has toured nationally with plays and musicals. She has worked in the advertising & marketing departments of major corporations, film production companies, theater magazines, and non-profit acting organizations. For more information, please visit http://www.erincronican.com.