Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Holiday jokes never get old

Dear Friends & Family,

The best part of holidays is the time spent together doing small
things, like preparing meals or taking time on a cold snowy day to do
something simple like baking cookies. If you are so motivated, here is
a recipe for what I think is the perfect holiday cookie! Please be
sure to follow the instructions to a "t".

Subject: Holiday Cookie Recipe ( follow directions closely )

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
2 tsp lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Cabo Wabo Tequilla

Sample the Cabo Wabo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the
Cabo Wabo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one
level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer... Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar... Beat again. At this point it's best to
make sure the Cabo Wabo is still OK, try another cup ... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor...

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just
pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cabo Wabo to check for
tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet.

Check the Cabo Wabo . Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window,
finish the Cabo Wabo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Holiday Joke that never gets old

Dear Friends & Family,

The best part of holidays is the time spent together doing small
things, like preparing meals or taking time on a cold snowy day to do
something simple like baking cookies. If you are so motivated, here is
a recipe for what I think is the perfect holiday cookie! Please be
sure to follow the instructions to a "t".

Subject: Holiday Cookie Recipe ( follow directions closely )

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
2 tsp lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Cabo Wabo Tequilla

Sample the Cabo Wabo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the
Cabo Wabo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one
level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer... Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar... Beat again. At this point it's best to
make sure the Cabo Wabo is still OK, try another cup ... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor...

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just
pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cabo Wabo to check for
tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet.

Check the Cabo Wabo . Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window,
finish the Cabo Wabo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshine day


So, I was walking around Manhattan, my new hometown, yesterday afternoon in the unseasonably warm 40+ degree weather. I was walking to a holiday party and I started to realize that I had forgotten something. No, not my gloves, I had those in my pockets. Not my holiday gift for the host- I was actually going to a party hosted by one of my consulting clients and was pretty sure I would be put to work, which, as my holiday gift, I would do for free. Not my iPod, though recently I have been carrying a trendy, small purse which can hold little than a stick of gum and my Metrocard. No, what I realized I desperately needed but had left at home: my sunglasses. I saw people all around me walking down the streets in full coats, gloves, scarves, hats, and... sunglasses. The past few days in NYC has been bright and sunny while also being cold, and I cannot seem to remember to bring sunglasses with me. There are a lot of weird things to experience in The Big Apple, and this is one of those things that is hard to adjust to.

You see, if you have not spent the majority of your life in southern CA, you would not appreciate how strange this is. This is a phenomenon that is not present to the indigenous folk of San Diego. No, in San Diego the sun is a barometer that tells us what the temperature will be like that day: sunny = warm; cloudy = chilly. You can’t really have cold without clouds and you cannot have warmth without sunlight. And you certainly don’t wear sunglasses when you are wearing an overcoat. Sunglasses = summer, no exceptions.

But it’s all bass-ackwards here in NYC. It is known that some of the warmest days are those when it is cloudy, right before or after a tropical rain (because the moisture gets trapped by the clouds and the humidity makes it feel much hotter). And some of the coldest days in the winter are punctuated by bright hues of sunlight. So, in the mornings, while the radiator blasts out enormous amounts of heat, I have to look out the window to see if the sun is shining. If I do, I have to put on sunscreen underneath my hat and around my scarf, and remember to slips my fake Gucci sunglasses into my real Kenneth Cole purse (got it is Loehmann’s, half price!) If it’s not, then I will be really confused because I have no idea what temperature it is going to be.

Speaking of which, it is time to go out to lunch, and I see that the sun is shining brightly again today. So, I have to do the little sunshine ritual listed above. Wish me luck...


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