Wednesday, December 2, 2020

Dear Mom (Part 3)


A book my mother gave me, with our first photo taped to the inside.


Dear Mom, 

It’s been 4 months since I’ve last written. So many things have happened. I wish you were here to experience these things with me.

The most important thing for you to know is that WE WON THE ELECTION. Trump will be out January 20. It has been a very difficult election season, and I’m sure you’re not surprised to hear that Trump refuses to concede. First, the counting of ballots took a good amount of time, so we didn’t have an election result until Saturday after the election. And Trump has been claiming election fraud because a majority of mail-in ballots came in for Biden. Never mind that this is because many Democrats have been COVID-conscious and decided to vote the safest way possible, while many Trump supporters still think COVID is a hoax, refuse to wear masks, and gather in large groups with little social distancing. (There have been viral videos where Trump supporters actively cough or spit on other people - which is a crime now.) 

We’re having a huge upswing in COVID cases all across the country - yesterday 184,174 cases were reported nationwide. It’s terrifying. I’ve said this before, but in some ways I’m really glad you’re not here to witness this because I know it would scare you to death - not for your own health but for the health of your children and Pam. Nationwide 242,000 have died. In Escambia County, they have had 16872 cases reported and 306 deaths - that’s 4 times as many deaths as the last time I checked in. (There were at 77 in August.)

I’m still pretty healthy, despite having that pesky cancer. I get COVID testing every three weeks, which is not the most comfortable thing. You would hate it! They stick what amounts to a thin pipe cleaner up your nose and push it all the way back until it hits the end of your nasal passage (which is MUCH farther than you’d ever imagine that went!) And then they do the other side as well. But it does give me peace of mind so that when I’m with people or at chemo I know I’m not infecting anyone.

And as far as cancer you’ll be happy to know that I have been stable (or with tumors shrinking) since March 2019 when I started that chemo. Of course, we know at some point that treatment will stop working and I’ll have to find a new one, but for now I’m very lucky. I had scans last week that were also stable, so I breathed a sigh of relief. It’s always so anxiety provoking to do those. I know you know what I mean. But I’m taking each day as it comes. I feel healthy, and that’s what matters right now.

I just had my birthday, and it was hard. It was hard knowing that I wasn’t going to get a phone call around 11am. (Never earlier, because you knew how late I normally stayed up and wouldn’t be awake much earlier than 11am.) It was also hard knowing that no gift was coming unreasonably early because you knew you wanted me to have the gift on time and didn’t want Veteran’s Day to get in the way of the present being delivered. Some years you would send me my gift in mid-late October! That always made me laugh, and I would always wait until midnight on my birthday to open it.

We finally got the house on the market and are currently in escrow. The realtor is amazing. Do you know… she’s a Democrat?? She wrote me a text eluding to the election being anxiety-provoking, and I was like, “What? You’re a Biden supporter? In Pensacola?” I knew I had a good feeling about her. :) Anyway, we have a buyer and you’ll be happy to know they made an offer well above asking. The realtor says you’d done an amazing job with the house - we have 18 showings and 5 offers right out of the gate and more would have come if we didn’t already accept an offer on the 2nd day.

Anyway, we had the estate sale and we raised over $10,000 - of course, 35% went to the sales company but they donated everything that didn’t sell to charity and cleaned the house from top to bottom. They really took care of things for me. I get really sad when I think about your home being empty right now, and I wonder who has all of the items. But I’m glad they will be well-loved like they were by all of us. Before I left in March I paid tribute (in my head) to all of the belongings we’ve shared over the years - things I gave to you when you moved into your first house in Murrieta and things I gave you when I moved to NYC. Thinking about the lives those items had seen. They provide such good memories. I wish I could have brought everything home with me, but I didn’t have room in my luggage and plus, where would I store everything in NYC?

More news: I got engaged! Brandon asked me to marry him on November 13, 2020 - our 9 year anniversary. He presented me with the old vintage wedding set that we had - I’m really excited. I’ve already asked Candice to be my maid of honor - she screamed with delight. It was cute. We plan to get married next year when things open up again - maybe in August. Though, Brandon wants to get married outside, and it may be a bit cold in the late fall. I know you always wanted to be the mother of the bride, and I’m sorry that you won’t be here to be a part of everything. But we will keep a chair open for you, in the front, in your honor.

A few other updates - in July our company did an online performance of a play called DUTCHMAN, and the New York Times came to see it! We got reviewed in the online AND print edition, and my picture was not only included with the review, but it was also on the front page of the Arts section. We’ve been so proud of what we’ve been able to accomplish with our work during COVID. Audiences are loving the fact that they can watch and contribute to theater that makes a difference - our social justice work is being received really well, and it means a lot to me. I think you’d be really proud of what we’re doing.

I was in the hospital a few weeks ago and I was thinking a lot about you. Don’t worry, I’m fine - it was a precautionary measure because I have developed an allergy to my chemo (I’m all good now.) But while I was there I couldn’t help but have flashbacks to the last time I saw you at Christmas when you were in the hospital. I remember you crying when we said goodbye. I think you knew it was the last time I’d see you, but I was in denial. I was so certain that I would see you in February when my next show was done and I’d fly back down. Little did I know that this trip in February would be to scatter your ashes. At the beach, just like you requested. In the hospital I felt so alone, and I was only there for one night. I can’t imagine what it was like for you. It must have been so lonely and scary. And boring!

I found an old video of us yesterday - it was from the cruise we took in 2009 at Christmas. Do you remember how it rained and stormed on the night we were supposed to leave, so we left a day late? I had taken a video on the balcony while you were having a cigarette. We joked around and you couldn’t stop laughing that wonderful laugh of yours. And then, a little bit later I turned the camera to you and just watched you thinking while you were looking at the rain. You seemed so content but also deeply moved. And I think this was that moment I missed you the most. Because I miss talking with you and hearing those thoughts. I miss watching you take in the world and appreciating the small things.

Thanksgiving just passed. I know we didn’t get together for it very often after I moved to NYC, but we had a Thanksgiving style dinner so often for Christmas that I still feel nostalgic at this time of year. Sean and I talked about how much we missed you on Thanksgiving, even though we rarely spent it with you. We shared fond memories of it growing up.

We got a new dog! His name is Touchstone, he is a Chihuahua-Terrier mix, and he’s bringing such joy to our lives. It’s taking a while for his personality to really come out, but it is slowly but surely. Here’s a photo of him, posing with Feste.



I’m about to digitize all of our home movies, so that we can have them on a computer rather than a DVD (since most DVD are out of technology now.) I’m a little nervous to ship them off to the tech company that will do the work, but I have all of the DVDs you made just in case.

Well, I’m going to sign off. Just know that I think of you every day - many, many times in a day - and I love and miss you. And I hope that, wherever you are, that you are happy and that you’re proud of me. I aim to be your legacy of kindness, humor, and hope.

Love,

Erin :)



Erin Cronican is a Stage IV breast cancer patient, whose career as a professional actor, producer, and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has toured nationally and appeared Off Broadway with several plays and musicals. She is currently the Executive Artistic Director of The Seeing Place Theater in NYC. For more information, please visit www.erincronican.com.

Sunday, September 6, 2020

How Chadwick Boseman and I Are Alike


Like so many, I was gutted when I found out that actor Chadwick Boseman died from Stage IV colon cancer. As someone who has Stage IV breast cancer, every death due to cancer takes a bit of a toll on me. The fact that he was young and an actor made the news extra difficult to me to manage. But there is one specific element of his story that I identify with deeply - one I have been hesitant to talk about for fear of retribution, mocking, or damage to my reputation in the acting industry. 

As many people now know, Chadwick was dealing with cancer for 4 years before his death. This means many of the films he is known for were shot after his diagnosis and amidst his cancer treatments. But did you know that back in 2018 he began to be mocked in the media for looking “tired” and “bored” and “exhausted”? Of course, no one knew what he was going through, so many people made up reasons why this might be so. Many people accused him of being tired of doing the “Wakanda Salute” when he seemed less than energetic performing it on red carpets and around town. (See articles linked at the bottom of this post.) This upset a lot of fans, and memes were created and spread like wildfire. 
 





Rumors continued to swirl this year when he appeared “too skinny” in February 2020 appearances and in an Instagram Video in April 2020 (some blamed veganism, and some suggested he only bulked up for film roles and was skinny the rest of the time.)

And now we know. He was dealing with a deadly illness that he rightfully didn’t have to disclose. The media and his fans are now shocked and apologetic. But I can’t stop thinking about what it was like for him to deal with these memes and jokes while he was fighting for his life.

I didn’t need to wonder for long. I know - intimately - what that is like.

I am going to start my story by saying how incredibly scared I am to share it. My pulse is racing, my palms are sweaty and my body is running cold. Because I experienced such a trauma that I’m having PTSD flashbacks from just writing these words. My fear is around what people will think and say about me when I reveal what happened - will they think, “If you’re sick you shouldn’t be trying to be an actor. These people are paying money to see you. HOW DARE YOU BE LESS THEN PERFECT.”


So...


As I mentioned above, I was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer in November 2018 with the cancer having spread from my breast to my lungs and bones. I was just starting rehearsals for a production of ‘NIGHT MOTHER, in a dream role that I had always wanted to play. Performances weren’t until January 2019, so I spent the daytimes at the doctors (include a 3 night stay at the hospital after lung surgery) and spent my evenings at rehearsals. Interestingly, they found the cancer because in September 2018 I began having trouble singing, and I was eventually diagnosed with pneumonia. (The cancer was caught on an X-ray.) So later, when I came out of lung surgery and all of the sudden I had lost my voice, I assumed it was related to the pneumonia and/or having the breathing tube during surgery. But as I continued to rehearse for ‘NIGHT MOTHER, my voice did not get better - it got worse and worse. I went to multiple ENTs and no one could figure out why it was so difficult for me to speak. I sunk into a pretty deep depression - I could no longer sing, and my speaking voice was getting weaker by the day. Why couldn’t I shake this pneumonia? Would I be able to perform in January? I was worried but determined. In addition to starting cancer treatment, I started vocal therapy and set my sights on the show.

My voice stabilized a little bit - it wasn’t strong but I could get *some* sound out, and my director and I determined that in a small theater my voice would carry enough to perform. Luckily, the character I was playing was deeply depressed and suffered various illnesses, so my voice being a tad strained should only enhance the drama. And for three weeks of performances (picture below), I gave that role everything I had. I was proud of my work and, perhaps more importantly, the performances gave me something to focus on other than my cancer. What started out as bleak had a silver lining. 

Carla Brandberg and Me in 'NIGHT MOTHER


Then... the reviews began to come out. One reviewer decided to mention my vocal difficulties by putting his own - uninformed - diagnosis in his review. It was kind, but still embarrassing to be pointed out:

“For the performance we attended, Erin Cronican deserved a medal for her performance as Jessie, as she persevered through the role with real-life bronchitis! The show must go on, folks, and truth be told, Cronican’s struggling voice may have actually accentuated her ability to convey the desperation of her character."

But many reviewers completely ignored my performance and focused instead on complimenting my fellow actor. It’s important to note that this was a two-character play, so to avoid mentioning me in a review is very hurtful, especially given all of the work I put into the play. But ultimately I sucked it up and swallowed my sadness, disappointment, and embarrassment.

Then we started getting audience reviews through a website called Show Score. Think of it like Yelp, but for NYC Theater. The members of Show Score vary in their intent. Some are diehard theater fans who use the website to express their views with like-minded individuals - and they find out which show to see next based on reviews from people they follow. But some use the site as a social media network and rack up likes and follows by posting as many negative things as possible about a performance. It doesn’t help that Show Score’s interface welcomes and in fact encourages this. When you go to post a review, Show Score asks you to fill in the blanks:

1) See it if:
2) Don’t see it if:
3) Also...

The fact that the structure invites “don’t see it if” means that some people will use this section to mock or penalize the production, and it’s further encouraged by the “Helpful” button beneath it, which acts as a “like” button for all of the people who agree with that person’s assessment.

It should be noted that if I were just an actor, I could ignore sites like Show Score and be very happy as a performer. But I am also a producer and am responsible for our show marketing, which means reading all reviews and sharing relevant ones in our marketing in order to generate audiences. So good or bad, I have to read what people say about me and the shows I do. I have a pretty thick skin, but it’s hard when you read things like this:

“Others a bit off the mark. One sounds like she has laryngitis & it's distracting.”
And this:
“Don't see it if you can't handle a downer evening. One performance not up to the mark.”

But, though painful, these two negative reviews were among a flurry of positive ones, so I put my ego aside and set my sights on my next show - THE MAIDS by Jean Genet, which would be performing in late March/early April.

And then good news came in - I figured out wha was happening with my voice, and there was a treatment possible! I was diagnosed with a paralyzed vocal cord, which was injured while I was in lung surgery. (This article explains very clearly what I was dealing with.) The treatment was to have collagen injected directly into the vocal cord, which would make it stand straight up (like it was a bone in a splint) which would create more power and dexterity in the voice. I had this treatment done in February, right after my show closed. The collagen would last for 3-4 months and provide immediate vocal relief, and after it wore off doctors would be able to see if the paralysis was permanent or temporary (because the injection would give the vocal cord and its nerves time to heal.) Luckily it WAS temporary, and though I didn’t have perfect dexterity until later in the year I was better vocal health as THE MAIDS performances got closer and closer.

But bad news came in, too - little did I know that my cancer treatment was not working, and my lungs, bones, and brain became overtaken by tumors. I stopped being able to breathe properly, so though I would feel fairly normal when I was seated, the minute I walked across a room (or needed to stand or sit) breathing would become strained. My small frame lost about 25 pounds between January and March because the tumors were leaning on my adrenal gland causing me to lose my appetite completely and consistently vomit every time I had food or drink. I had no energy, no muscle mass, and no strength. The doctors put me on a brand new treatment which included two kinds of aggressive chemotherapy. I also had radio-surgery on my brain to try to manage the brain tumors.

I continued to rehearse THE MAIDS throughout this time, both as an actor and director. It was the only thing that brought me any kind of stability and happiness. I pushed through rehearsals as best I could with the most loving ensemble and creative team imaginable. I created staging that would accommodate my difficulties. I dug deep into the character and included my own diagnosis in the backstory of the role I was playing to give it depth. And once performances started, I set out every single night to ignore how I was feeling and give 200% to the audience. If I became out of breath, I would find a way to stop moving and/or speaking and focus on my storytelling. Allowing for those brief pauses also brought heightened drama to the play, which many people said was palpable throughout. I was proud of my work and proud of my colleagues’ work, and the play would go on to be nominated for 3 New York Innovative Theater Awards - including Best Revival and Best Ensemble. 


I wish this story could end happily there, but it doesn’t - and this is where my connection to Chadwick Boseman’s situation really comes in.

I want to start by saying that in New York City - the land of commercialized theater - there is a big push for polish, pace, and perfection. Our theater company has always sought to break this trend, because to us - if it’s perfect and polished and paced, there’s no room for LIVING. You’re just seeing people on a stage reciting lines quickly and mimicking movement without really experiencing the life of those characters and those stories. Our company always strives to go deeper, to create REAL people in REAL situations, and this is not always popular with those people who prefer the glitz and glamour of Broadway. We have reconciled this over our 10 years of existence, and yet have managed to find an ever-growing audience who loves us for our commitment to truth-telling. 

Me in THE MAIDS


So I was not prepared for the vitriol, mocking, and shaming that came at me for my performance in THE MAIDS. Here are just a few of the audience remarks found on Show Score:

“This production is the perfect example of why a director should never cast themselves as a character.”

“However, Erin Cronican (who also directed) was totally off the mark, offering flat line readings (when she wasn't searching for them) and a lack of any passion or energy”

“Don't see it if you need a perfectly cast trio to make going worthwhile. You expect actor/director to know her lines inside out...Coworker Solange (Cronican) feels miscast. She was often hesitant, reaching for lines. Her chopped hair and raspy voice simply make her way too modern and hipster for the role, setting THE MAIDS off kilter. She's too edgy for the room.”

“The dramatic tension in Genet's text was lacking in their performance -- especially in Solange (Erin Cronican). Sunday evening Apr. 7, Erin tripped on her lines, seemed hesitant, was often at odds with the dialogue.”

“The actor playing Solange, who is also is the play's director, was not well connected to the material nor well prepared. A number of the line readings were flat, and there were more than a few mistakes. She brought little emotion to a part that needs quite a bit of it to let the play come alive.”

“Erin Cronican is trying hard but she is the weakest link, maybe because of the oversize shoes, maybe her voice, or just struggle with some lines.”

“However, it's rarely if ever a good idea for one of the actors to also direct the play.”

Again, audiences - who did not know what I was dealing with - were quick to ascribe their own answers as to why they were seeing what they perceived as weak. Me taking pauses equaled “she doesn’t know her lines” and my lack of energy equaled “the director should never perform in the show.” Never mind that I’ve been directing my own work for years to great acclaim, and never mind that I have never been accused by a reviewer of not knowing my lines. 

Gaia Visnar and Me in THE MAIDS
 

I was devastated. It was easily, in all my years of performing, the worst experience of my life. I felt so hated, so embarrassed, so unsure of myself, and so alone. The physical effort I was putting out was harrowing. In the one moment I spent off stage during the 80 minute, intermission-less show, it was all I could do to get my breath under me. I was pretending I wasn't huffing and puffing from running around the stage, carrying props, and holding up my scene partner (whose character was prone to getting faint.) After that quick break, I would re-enter the stage to perform a 4 page soliloquy (a 10 minute monologue spoken alone on stage) with all eyes on me and no safety net. I was exposed, and now every time I performed I knew I was hated.

I mean, what was I supposed to do? Should we have put into the program, “Erin Cronican, who plays Solange, is in the middle of fighting for her life as a Stage IV breast cancer patient”? Do I have to preemptively, from now on, apologize for myself in case I don’t measure up to people’s standards? Did Chadwick Boseman need to tell everyone that he had cancer so that people wouldn’t make memes about how tired he looked and how disappointing he was to his public?

Or - even worse - does having cancer mean that I should give up on being an artist, because you think you deserve some kind of performance that is perfect in your mind?

I felt a little better after a reviewer wrote a very nice article about my work in THE MAIDS, in the face of my illness, which he knew about: Let’s Talk About A Different Kind of Acting.

(It’s interesting to note: when I asked Show Score to include this review on their website - because critic reviews are included alongside patron reviews - they declined because they said it read too much like a feature and not a review.)

Me in ANIMAL FARM

Before we go much further, I want to mention that this performance haunts me, even now. I performed in our production of ANIMAL FARM in February 2020 (pictured above) - nearly a year later - and one of the patrons gave me a backhanded compliment, again on Show Score:

“Cronican, so memorably awful in The Maids, rebounds.”

Even a year later, I’m left embarrassed and like I have to apologize for myself. But the worst part is I feel like I have to defend my decision to keep performing. Because it’s being made clear by some audiences - if you’re not PERFECT you do not deserve to perform. It’s as if they are saying, “How dare you take our money when you know you’re less than 100%? HOW DARE YOU?”

Don’t know you that I ask that of myself every day? Even now, as I write this, I’m thinking, “Well, they’re probably right. People have expectations that I’m not meeting. How dare I think I could expect anything more from them?”

Don’t you know that I grieve the life I used to have, when I *could* run around and having full breath and not deal with chemo side effects day after day? Even now, as I write this, I’m thinking, “Well, that’s not the audience’s problem. That’s MY problem. And no one who comes to my theater is going to care WHY I’m not delivering, they only care that I’m not.”

I’m very lucky that I am on a chemo regimen that, for now, is working and I’m about 90% of my old self. No one seems to know what I’m dealing with based on recent performance feedback, and I’m grateful for that.

But, now that I “pass” as “normal” - do you know how isolating that is? Like, any minute I slip up the mocking and derision will start again, and I’ll lose the only thing that gives me happiness and peace and purpose. It’s a fear I live with EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE.

You’d think I’d be more concerned with dying from my illness. But living with an illness can be just as insidious. And this is why it deeply upsets me that it takes Chadwick Boseman’s death to get any kind of care and compassion from his adoring fans.

People with chronic illnesses and disabilities fight desperately to seem “normal” so that they don’t have to explain themselves. I hate the idea of needing special considerations. Not only is it embarrassing, but it’s triggering. On top of the physical impacts of my illness, I’m consistently dealing with the mental and emotional ones as well.

And - again - as I type that, the little voice inside my head says, “Well, you know one easy way not to feel that way, right? You can quit.”


FUCK THAT.


Yes, I will be more vocal about what I’m dealing with. Yes, my theater company bio now mentions that I’m a cancer patient. And yes, I’ve been a guest on numerous podcasts that talk about the intersection between my diagnosis and my work as an artist.

But don’t think for one moment that I’m doing to this apologize for my work, or my decision to stay an artist in the midst of my illness. Being ill does not mean I GO AWAY NOW. Having a disability does not mean MY VOICE NO LONGER MATTERS.


As a wind down this post, there are a few things I want as “takeaways” for reading it:

First - Just because there’s a website called Show Score (or Yelp, or any other review service), and just because you may have had an experience you did not appreciate, it is NOT ok to personally mock others. At best it makes you look petty and self-involved. At worst, you could be doing real damage to the person (they could lose their job, or livelihood, or sanity) and it can also do deep damage to the company and their reputation. Is your grievance worth all of that? And furthermore, really ask yourself if not liking a piece of art warrants that kind of vitriol.

Second - I think Show Score should remove the “Helpful” button, and the “Don’t see it if” request from their review model. In the right hands - like a professional reviewers whose job is to connect the show they saw with the right audience - this question can be very helpful. But in the wrong hands - which is MANY of the Show Score members - it serves as a bullying platform. If you feel as strongly about this as I do, please consider sending your feedback via email to their co-founder and CEO, Deeksha Gaur. (Note: Show Score has just been purchased by Today Tix, so a revision in their review system is more important now than ever.)

Third - You’re allowed to have opinions about art. Personal interpretation is what makes art great. But opinions are not facts, and your opinions are not more right than others’. Maybe think a little deeper about that the artist is trying to do - ie: what’s present - instead of solely focusing on what is missing or what they are NOT doing. Why do you have those opinions? What are they based on? It’s perfectly fair to say something like, “I didn’t like this show. I have a hard time understand French absurdism so I had difficulty connecting to the story.”

Fourth, and last - There is this thing called empathy. It’s the act of putting yourself into someone else’s shoes and imaging what life must be like for them, and feeling what they might be feeling. We as actors do this with every role we play. I ask that audiences try to do that as well.


EDITED TO ADD:

Here is the letter I just emailed the CEO of Show Score (click to view larger):



REFERENCES


All show photos above by photographer Russ Rowland.


Here are some links about Chadwick Boseman’s story:


https://cosmicbook.news/black-panther-chadwick-boseman-weight-loss

https://www.insider.com/black-panther-star-chadwick-boseman-michael-b-jordan-tired-wakanda-salute-meme-2018-5

https://www.essence.com/celebrity/chadwick-boseman-tired-wakanda-forever-salute/

https://www.news18.com/news/buzz/wakanda-sometimes-meme-now-has-fans-in-tears-after-black-panther-chadwick-boseman-passes-away-due-to-cancer-2830251.html

https://twitter.com/JennyENicholson/status/1299548223346896896

https://www.scoopwhoop.com/entertainment/society-bullies-chadwick-boseman-demise-battle-with-cancer/

https://www.buzzfeed.com/jennaguillaume/chadwick-boseman-wakanda-forever




Erin Cronican is a Stage IV breast cancer patient, whose career as a professional actor, producer, and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has toured nationally and appeared Off Broadway with several plays and musicals. She is currently the Executive Artistic Director of The Seeing Place Theater in NYC. For more information, please visit www.erincronican.com.




Wednesday, September 2, 2020

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM - Streaming now!



I’m excited to announce that we recorded our live Zoom performance of A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM, and it’s now available to stream via YouTube for a limited time! Through Saturday, September 5, you can see this production that critics and audiences are both loving (see reviews below.) GET YOUR TICKETS HERE

Named "Best Live Theater to Stream Online" by TimeOut NY
Named "What To Watch" by Times Square Chronicles

This play tells the tale of Hermia & Lysander (a lesbian couple) and Helena & Demetrius; four misguided lovers whose escape into the woods lands them in even more trouble, as members of the gender fluid fairy kingdom decide to use them as veritable pawns in their own love games. Against the backdrop of the wedding of Duke Theseus and Hippolyta, and the fiery battle of wills between the Fairy King and Queen, Oberon and Titania, the four lovers are challenged by magic and trickery to finally work out what love is all about. One of the most famous of literary love quadrangles, the play is one of Shakespeare's most popular works for the stage and is widely performed across the world.


Appearing on YouTube

Tickets starting at just $10: www.TheSeeingPlace.com

Benefiting the Ali Forney Center, a non profit organization that support LGTBQIA+ homeless youths.

Now through September 5, 2020



Here are what reviewers are saying about my work, and our cast as a whole:



"Inspired by the legendary Group Theatre, The Seeing Place aims for an "organic, edgy American style of acting", evident by such turns as Cronican's comically lovesick presentation of Helena, dumped by Demetrius but determined to win him back, matched with her focused, businesslike portrayal of Peter Quince, the leader of a group of amateur players hoping their modest theatrical venture will be accepted as part of the royal wedding entertainment." - Broadway World


"One thing that’s challenging for some actors is code switching from theater acting to camera work, especially the monologue-like format of Zoom theater. Most of the TSP actors had this down, but the star of the show was co-director Erin Cronican, who played both Helena and Peter Quince. Her character creation and immaculate comic timing were a real treat to watch. I was constantly engaged by Cronican’s performance, and found myself laughing out loud alone in my Ready Room at Cronican’s well-crafted and deeply detailed comic moments. Cronican’s Peter Quince monologue at the top of the “Pyramus and Thisbe” play-within-a-play is one of the best renderings I’ve seen in years. Cronican knows exactly what’s funny about every moment of this play, and serves it up to her audience masterfully." - Bitter Gertrude


"Cronican brings a real (and funny) humanity to Quince both as a put-upon stage manager and then as a Prologue who reacts in frustration to her mistakes as she makes them but then gets increasingly gets carried away by and carries off the latter portion of her introduction of Pyramus and Thisbe. DiLorenzo and Cronican suffuse the conflict between Hermia and Helena with energy and emotion." - Thinking Theater NYC


"The Seeing Place Theater’s Zoom production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream is perhaps the best Zoom work I’ve seen so far...They brought this magical comedy to life with great depth and understanding...The production gave us brilliant performances with outstanding digital effects and overall stellar direction. Not one of the eight actors came up short with their acting acumen, and notably, their awesome facility with the four hundred year old language. In almost all contemporary Shakespeare theater or film, at least one or some of the actors seem flat or stilted. But not here. All eight seemed to understand everything they were saying, and delivered their lines as if they were on a first name basis with The Bard. They also had such a deep understanding of the play, that they were able to communicate it to a twenty-first century audience easily. I just want to point out, that a late sixteenth century play about ancient Athens made itself at home in New York City in 2020. The humanity of that astounds me.“ - Ewing Reviewing


"The cast performances are strong, with lots of laughs, and relationships build satisfyingly among the characters. Performed over a live Zoom link the casts fine performances are aided by the technology at hand to great effect. Background sets, and even special effects are achieved when the fairies are on screen, and when Bottom is magically transformed." - Talk Theatre To Me 





And I also did two interviews about the show:

https://www.broadwayworld.com/san-diego/article/BWW-Interview-Erin-Cronican-Brandon-Walker-And-Dan-Mack-live-streaming-performances-of-A-MIDSUMMER-NIGHTS-DREAM-at-The-Seeing-Place-20200829

https://bittergertrude.com/2020/08/29/autonomy-and-disability-on-stage-the-seeing-places-midsummer/




Erin Cronican is a Stage IV breast cancer patient, whose career as a professional actor, producer, and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has toured nationally and appeared Off Broadway with several plays and musicals. She is currently the Executive Artistic Director of The Seeing Place Theater in NYC. For more information, please visit www.erincronican.com.




Wednesday, August 12, 2020

I'm Reviewed in the New York Times!

I'm very excited to announce that my production of DUTCHMAN, by Amiri Baraka produced by my theater company The Seeing Place Theater was reviewed by Maya Phillips of the New York Times, with my photo front and center!



Part of the review reads:
"The Seeing Place production, which starred Timothy Ware and Erin Cronican and was directed by Brandon Walker, highlighted the sexual friction between Clay and Lula. Cronican’s Lula gives Clay a lusty up and down, hungrily takes bites of her apple, a seductive smile creeping across her face. Ware’s Clay smirks gamely in response; he seems mostly unbothered by her odd diversions and casually racist remarks and appears to lust back...By underlining the sexual power dynamic between the man and the woman, Walker’s direction simplifies the larger reach of the play and what the characters represent. The tension becomes less about the matchup of Blackness and whiteness in society than about the interracial fraternization of one Black man and one white woman..."

We also appear in the PRINT EDITION - with a teaser image on the front page of the Arts section:








Read the full review here:

Learn more about our production here:
The Seeing Place's DUTCHMAN


Erin Cronican is a Stage IV breast cancer patient, whose career as a professional actor, producer, and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has toured nationally and appeared Off Broadway with several plays and musicals. She is currently the Executive Artistic Director of The Seeing Place Theater in NYC. For more information, please visit www.erincronican.com.

Sunday, August 2, 2020

Dear Mom (Part 2)

(See Part 1 of this series by clicking here)


It's you, me and Dad dressed up as outlaws!

Dear Mom, 

It’s been nearly 4 months since I’ve written. I don’t know why I’ve been away so long. Maybe it’s because it’s too painful to write. Maybe it’s because I’m just trying to focus on surviving. The whole world is focused on surviving. It’s a very weird, and very somber time.

As of this writing (July 31, 2020) we have 4.67M confirmed and 156K deaths.) In NY State alone, we’ve had 420K confirmed and 32,390 deaths. We’re no longer the hotspot in the country - our numbers are still among the highest in the country but we just got overtaken by California and Florida. In Escambia County (your home) there have been 7738 with 95 deaths. Most of those numbers have happened in July alone, and it’s not stopping anytime soon.

I’m keeping an eye on Pensacola’s numbers because we have yet to sell the house. I’m holding off until we can reasonably have an estate sale to sell the household items that Lisa, Sean, Pam, Ronnie and I didn’t take. By the way, I did give Ronnie all of your tennis clothes for his granddaughter, and she loves them. Pam is still trying to figure out if she’s going to take all of the office furniture or just some of it. It’s been a ridiculously hot summer, so she’s been hesitant to take on that job of getting the furniture to her house! She and Ronnie have been doing a great job of taking care of the house - the pool is the hardest thing to keep clean and working properly. It’s so hard being all the way in NYC and trying to manage things from here. There was a little part of me who thought it might be a good idea to go back to FL for a little while, but that doesn’t seem to make sense with everything shut down (not to mention the lack of safety in flying.)

You won’t believe the things that have been happening in the United States since I last wrote. One of the positive things was the solidarity NYC has had with the health care workers, who put their lives in the lines for all of us for so long. Mom, nurses and doctors were traveling here from all over the country to help NYC in the height of the pandemic here. And at 7pm each night, residents of NYC would gather outside or near their windows and cheered for a good 5 minutes, some people singing and playing instruments, many people banging pots and pans together. We can’t take credit for it, though - the idea began in Italy as they had the second international outbreak of the illness (after coming over from Asia.) Which reminds me - our lovely president insists on calling COVID-19 the “China Virus” to put negative attention on the Chinese people, which has sown a huge amount of racist backlash here in the US. There has been a huge wave of hate crimes against Asian people.

And speaking of hate crimes... and this would sicken you so much... on May 25, a Black man named George Floyd was minding his own business when he was approached by a few cops in Minneapolis, who suspected him of passing off a counterfeit $20 bill earlier that day. He was eventually handcuffed and escorted to a police car, when he ask officers to un-cuff him if he was being put in the car because he was claustrophobic. They considered this to be resisting arrest and tackled him, and one of the white officers knelt on George’s neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. George repeatedly cried out and said he couldn’t breathe, and one of the other officers even told the kneeling officer that he shouldn’t be doing that. At some point during those 8 minutes and 46 seconds, George called out for his mother (who was already deceased) and then fell unconscious. He later died.

Mom - this has sparked the most glorious and necessary uprising of Black people, supported by non-Black allies who have been marching and protesting ever since. It’s called the #BlackLivesMatter movement, and it is repeatedly compared to the protests and march from the Civil Rights era. Citizens around the world have been protesting in solidarity with Black people against the tyranny of the police. Most major cities in the USA have had ongoing protests over the last few months. But of course, these protests have exposed an even larger divide between the right and the left, with the right championing police and the left calling for reform, which is being dubbed #DefundPolice.

Trump has done some truly horrible things related to this movement -- and also related to the virus. I imagine you and I would be on the phone for hours and hours just trying to talk out what is happening, especially about how our world could turn so ugly so fast. And actually, if you were still alive we probably wouldn’t be talking by phone - I would be with you in Florida taking care of you and we’d be weathering things out, together. Or maybe I would have finally convinced you to use FaceTime on your new iPad. Which, by the way, I have with me and I am using. It's still named "Flo's iPad" and still have your same password, which makes me feel close to you every time I open it. Oh, and also... my debit card just so happens to have your birth date in the expiration date. So every time I type it in I think of you. 

Anyway, back to politics... Our country is truly divided. It has been proven that something as simple as wearing a mask can help reduce the spread of the virus by 95%. But the far right refuses to wear them, saying that it infringes upon their civil liberties. There is a major divide in who is out on the streets protesting for BLM - mostly progressives. Moderates and conservatives stand back and decry the destruction of property but don’t decry the destruction of Black bodies.

Also... Joe Biden is our presumptive Democratic Nominee. I say presumptive because we haven’t had our convention yet. Not sure if we’re even going to have one. Pretty much everyone dropped out in March (Bernie was the last hold-out and he dropped out in early April.) As you can imagine, I was DEVASTATED when Elizabeth Warren dropped out. It felt the same as when Hillary lost in 2016. 

By the way - and this was expected because NOTHING surprises us anymore - but the other day Trump actually tweeted this:



As you know, Mail-In Voting and Absentee Voting ARE THE SAME THING. We have all been waiting for him to start suggesting a delay in the election, because he's trailing to Biden in the polls. We also expect him to fight the results if Biden ends up winning. It's a shit show, Mom. A goddamn shit show.

Anyway, I could go on and on about the political implications of everything going on - and I know you’d want to listen. You were always such an engaged citizen, and I know it frustrated you that you felt helpless to do anything. Well, I’m doing something. Though theater worldwide had to shut down all live performances (no group gatherings are allowed) - we have found a way to use an online video chatting portal called Zoom (kind of like FaceTime, but for groups) to broadcast readings of plays to the public. We just did a play called DUTCHMAN, written in 1964 by Amiri Baraka about a Black man who is seduced and ultimately ruined by a white woman he meets on the NYC subway. We used this play to open up a conversation with our audiences about white complicity in racism, even now when things seem like they’ve gotten so much better. 

Just a few other things in this update -

Remember when I teased you for bringing home so many things from the hospital because “they were free”? Well, I want to thank you personally for all of the bottles of hand sanitizer! When the virus first hit the stores/manufacturers couldn’t keep up with demand, so hand sanitizer became like liquid gold. Also, toilet paper. For some reason, people were buying it in hoards and there wasn’t enough left for everyone. I had two friends who had to send me extra rolls to help me get by!

I found Dad’s dog tags from his days in the military. I have one of them on my keychain now. It’s the same keychain we bought when on our cruise at Christmas & New Years 2009/2010. I also have another remembrance of you on the keychain. Oddly, the funeral home include a metal tag (with your cremation number on it) in the box with your remains. So both that and dad’s dog tag are sitting next to each other on the keychain, and I think about you every time I pick up my keys.

When I was at your home for your services (February 26-March 7) I spent a lot of time out on the back porch, just trying to feel your presence. I even sat in your chair rather than the one I usually sit in. I spent time watching the squirrels and birds, just like you used to. Its was such a peaceful place to be. I miss it. I miss you.

When Pam came to pick me up to take me to the airport, and we pulled out of your driveway, I got very upset. I tried to hide it, because I didn’t want to upset Pam. But she noticed and asked, “Are you ok?” I shook my head no, and then started to sob. I also cried as the plane took off. And every time I think about the house - sitting empty, quiet, and alone - I’m filled with such anguish and guilt. Guilt that I’m not there taking care of things, and anguish because even if I were there nothing I could ever do will bring you back. Ever.

This week I watched a bunch of videos I had shot on my camera over the years. I found one from 2008 where you had discovered a children’s coin-operated ride - a yellow cab. You hopped in and asked for quarters so that you could “ride in a cab like all New Yorkers.” You were always so silly and fun-loving, and willing to have a laugh at yourself. I also have a video of you from a cruise you took and you were learning to line dance - it was the Electric Slide, I think. You kept trying and trying to get the steps, often going the wrong way. But your smile never left your face, and you never got frustrated (like I would have!) And you started to get the hang of it toward the end. It was so wonderful seeing footage of you when you were healthy and vibrant. I like remembering you that way.

I’m having a hard time signing off from this letter today. I’m not sure why. I guess writing to you makes me feel close to you and I don’t want to let go. But I have to keep reminding myself that you are always with me. Even though I don’t have a belief in the “hereafter” I do feel your presence each and every day. And though it makes me so, so sad I also know that I’m very lucky to have that feeling. And that will have to do, for now.

Love, 


Erin

Look! It's us! (You, always tanned. And me? Always white.)



Erin Cronican is a Stage IV breast cancer patient, whose career as a professional actor, producer, and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has toured nationally and appeared Off Broadway with several plays and musicals. She is currently the Executive Artistic Director of The Seeing Place Theater in NYC. For more information, please visit www.erincronican.com.


Friday, July 24, 2020

100 Random Facts About Me - 10 Years Later




Facebook Memories alerted me that 10 years ago I published a blog post: "10 Random Facts About Me", and I thought it would be fun to revisit the post and offer updates/comments on what has changed and what has stayed the same the last 10 years. 

So, without further ado, here are my 100 Random Facts from 2010, with updates for 2020!


1. My name was almost Colleen. It was my parents’ 2nd choice, and coincidentally, the nurses at the hospital randomly assigned me that name to me via the bassinet name card. But Erin won out. 

2. My middle initial is Q. Stands for Quinn. 

3. People always think I am taller than I actually am. And yet, I am almost always too tall for my musical theater scene partners. Murphy’s Law. (I’m 5’5“)

2020 UPDATE: I *just* got my height measured at the doctor's office, and I HAVE SHRUNK. I am now 5'4". I'm so sad!

4. I was born a super dark brunette. With a widow’s peak. I looked like Baby Dracula. 

This is me with my older sister.
My widow's peak is fashionably sideswept.


5. I’ve owned 5 businesses, and been a mid-high level manager at 3 different companies. 

6. I’ve owned 2 properties, the first before the age of 25. 

7. I get really excited when the mail comes. And if my mailbox is empty, my heart sinks. 

8. I often sing songs to my dog, and put her name in the song. Like, ”Sweet Denver Dog, (bah bah bah!) Good Times Never Seemed So Good (so good so good so good!)"

2020 UPDATE: Alas, Denver passed away in 2012 and it took years before I was ready to get another dog. But happily, Feste came into our lives in February 2018, and yes - I put his name in songs, too...

9. I have an irrational fear of grasshoppers. 

10. I adore alphabetizing. And sorting of all kinds. 

11. I am really good at hanging pictures perfectly straight without a ruler or tape measure. 

12. I have a crapload of family I have never met.

2020 UPDATE: I recently sent in my Ancestry DNA kit, so I'm sure that very soon I'll have other family coming out of the woodwork...

13. I love buying cosmetics. Doesn’t matter how many bottles of lotion or tubes of mascara I have, I always want to try more.

14. I have been a Mac/Apple user since 1995 (thanks, Brent!) and I am a diehard fan. I don’t yet have the iPad, but I have an iPhone, MacBook and an Apple TV. And my old iPod, which I still use. 

2020 UPDATE: I am still a Mac geek - add to my "owned" list: an iPad, an Apple Pencil for the iPad, and no more iPod. (Remember when they first announced the iPad and how unpopular that name was?) I don't yet have an Apple Watch, because I don't wear a watch...

15. I am extremely introverted, which no one guesses because I can be very personable, expressive, and attentive. But I then disappear for days because I have to recharge. This is why some of you have yet to receive return phone calls and emails and texts. Oops. 

16. I’ve finally realized that I have been lying to myself all of my life - I DO want to be swept off my feet like in the storybooks. 

17. However, I don’t want kids. 

18. My dog is nearly 15 years old, and I have had her since she was 10 weeks old. 

2020 UPDATE: See #8. We rescued Feste and his estimated age was 1 year at the time. If that's true, he's 3.5 years now. 

Dear, Sweet Denver

Dear, Sweet Feste 

19. I feel things very quickly, and very deeply, but have a huge wall that appears when I am with others. Over the years I have slowly been able to lower the wall bit by bit.

2020 UPDATE: I have been working on this a lot, and nowadays I think I'm much more open.

20. Spaceballs (Mel Brooks) is my favorite movie. Ludicrous Speed- GO!

21. I had a basal cell carcinoma (skin cancer) removed in Oct 2009.

2020 UPDATE: Oh boy. So, in May 2015, I was diagnosed with Stage IIB Breast Cancer - I had the cancer surgically removed (lumpectomy), 16 rounds of chemo, and 32 rounds of radiation. I was cancer-free for 2.5 years, and then the cancer came back as Stage IV (terminal) in November 2018 and spread to my lungs, brain and bones. I am currently in weekly chemo treatments to reduce the tumors and (hopefully) keep them from growing. I look back on the 2010 post and think about how simple life was back then...

22. People actually pay me for guidance and direction, but most of the time I am just making shit up. 

23. I have a tendency to fold things when my hands are idle. Give me a napkin and I will fold, unfold and fold again without even noticing it. 

24. Shows/movies about redemption makes me blubber like a baby. 

25. I write 2 blogs, and am a contributing writer to 4 more.

2020 UPDATE: I do considerably less writing now. I still write for two blogs (this one, and my theater company's blog) but beyond that I only write articles for Backstage.

26. I’m really behind on those blogs (see #15.)

27. My mother knows just about everything about me. 

2020 UPDATE: Sadly, my mother passed away this year at the age of 70, on February 11, 2020.

Me and Mom back in 2010


28. I don’t like to leave things unfinished, so I will probably write all 100 of these things in one sitting. (Postscript: It took me 3 hours, but I did it.)

29. I want to donate my organs, because those who outlive me will be able to see me live on in others, and it is the only way I can guarantee that I will make a difference in this life. 

2020 UPDATE: Unfortunately, due to the fact that I have Stage IV cancer and my body has been ravaged by it and chemo, I'm no longer eligible to be an organ donor. This makes my heart ache.

30. My left eye is much more dominant than my right eye. (Here's how you find out.)

31. You can’t see it in most pictures, but my eyes have a brown ring around the pupil, and depending on my mood or what I am wearing, the rest of my iris can be green, blue/green or a hazel. 

32. I am incredibly intuitive/empathic and take on the feelings of those around me. Thus, people who get really angry or upset can inadvertently make me feel those things too. It makes me a good coach and director but bad when I’m near people who are fighting. 

33. It makes me so sad that that my father never got to visit me in New York (his birth place and my home) before he died in 2006.

Me and my Daddy.


34. I was horribly unpopular when I was a child. I was routinely bullied and often beat up. By both boys and girls.

35. I find filling out surveys like this strangely therapeutic. 

36. I’m a lot older than I look.

2020 UPDATE: And I no longer like talking about my age like that. 😳

37. I don’t believe in God, but I love that other people do. 

38. My sister always had big boobs and it was devastating when I realized I hadn't grown up to be like her. 

39. I love camping, but only where there are outhouses. I will not do my “business” in the woods. It’s just about the only high maintenance thing about me. 

40. I dated someone with kids once - I am not sure I can do that again. 

41. I always paint my apartments with bright colors. 

My current apartment


42. One of my acting jobs is as a standardized patient (SP) - I do improvised scenes with medical students to help them practice their clinical skills. These SP exams are required elements for medical school, and I’ve been doing this for more than 7 years. 

2020 UPDATE: I'm still doing this work, and I've expanded my work to the corporate world, where I work as a trainer/facilitator and use improv/role play to help train executives on leadership skills including emotional intelligence, flexing management styles to each employee, and having difficult conversations. I love this work!

43. I’ve never had a nickname, but I’ve always wanted one. 

2020 Update: This is still true! Leave one for me in the comments!

44. I taught myself graphic and web design in the late 90s, and now I offer these services to actors. 

45. “Groove Is In The Heart” (Dee-Lite) is my theme song, and would be in the opening credits of the movie of my life. “Happy Phantom” (Tori Amos) would be the closing credits. 

46. My brother and sister both have intense ADD. So does my nephew. I do not.

47. I enjoy reading astrology descriptions. Not predications, but the personality outlines. (PS: I’m a Scorpio.)

48. Red meat gives me massive stomach ache, but I’ll suffer it for a good Philly cheesesteak with mushrooms and cheese whiz. 

2020 UPDATE: In 2016 I finally visited Philadelphia for the first time and had Pat's. cheesesteak "Whiz Widout"

49. When I was a kid, my sister and I used to sit with coffee cups and cherry pie and watch "Twin Peaks." 

50. My sister (see #38, #47 & #49) has disappeared, and no one knows where she is at. Worse than that - her disappearance is intentional. 

2020 UPDATE: She has been found! I got back in touch with her in late 2015, and after our mother died she, my brother, and I have had weekly Zoom calls with one another. It's pretty awesome.

Our "Siblings Unite!" Zoom Call - 
my brother and I show off our dogs, and my sister, her cat.


51. I HATE the sound of people eating. Chewing, slurping, smacking of lips. It gives me all-over body convulsions and it makes me want to get violent. 

2020 UPDATE: No joke - my dog is eating and drinking right now and I'm having to meditate through it.

52. I could eat eggs at any hour of the day. I love breakfast!

53. I stay up until 3am most nights (mornings?)

2020 UPDATE: It's 2:07am now...

54. I am rather addicted to thrift store shopping. 

55. I lived in Brussels, Belgium for kindergarten, 1st & 2nd grade while my father worked at NATO. 

56. I have a strange affinity for marketing, and have lots of creative ideas for promotion. These ideas often keep me up at night (see #53.)

57. I inherited my observational humor and penchant for puns from my father. 

58. Being from SoCal, I should have taken Spanish in school but instead I took French. (see #55)

59. I avoid most political conversations, but the issue of gay rights makes me nearly militant. I endorse love between consenting adults. 

2020 UPDATE: My oh my, have things changed. I consider myself an activist and am in what seems like daily fights on behalf of #BlackLivesMatter and other BIPOC causes, causes for the LGTBQIA+ community, as well as rights for the disabled, women, and immigrants.

60. I adore singing in harmony. 

61. I giggle every time I hiccup. The more I hiccup, the more hysterical the giggles get. 

62. Unlike many actors, I like to watch myself on film and listen to myself sing on recordings. I will no longer feel bad about this.

Here - you can enjoy this, too. 


63. I have had braces twice, had my jaw realigned, and had 10 baby teeth pulled when they wouldn’t fall out on their own. I don’t heart the dentist. 

64. I won the high school talent show singing, “Somewhere” from West Side Story.

65. Unless I am on stage, I hate having the focus on me in public. HATE. So, please never sing Happy Birthday to me or propose to me with people watching. 

66. Alec Baldwin, on the set of 30 Rock, once told me I have beautiful eyes. 

67. I am close friends with most of my ex-boyfriends. I chose them for a reason - they were good people then, they still are now, and they're worthy of keeping in my life.

2020 UPDATE: Still true!

68. I am particularly sensitive about people being taken advantage of (especially me.) I am normally pretty low-key and easy going, but if I think someone is trying to use/disrespect me or my friends, my blood boils and I get into fight mode. (see #59)

69. I love spicy food, and am afraid for the day that I get too old to eat it. 

70. I own a lot of DVDs that I have never watched. 

2020 UPDATE: I still have the DVDs plus SAG-AFTRA screeners, and I have no idea what to do with them.

71. I did a 2 month European tour when I got out of college. 

2020 UPDATE: I took myself to Italy in 2017. It started when I was hired to be the assistant of a woman who takes a group of opera singers to Greve in Chianti, Tuscany, each summer. Part of my work agreement was that she would repay me with room/board in Italy for a week. I opted to stay for 11 days, taking an extra 4 days to travel by myself across the Amalfi Coast - as well as Florence, where I had visited after college. (See above.) 

On a boat from Ravello to Positano
 

72. I’ve been engaged, but never married. Thank the baby Jesus. 

73. I adore watching baseball, but have backed off following the game since moving to the East Coast because I can rarely watch my Padres and it depresses me. 

74. In my first play (at age 9), I played a Gander in “Charlotte’s Web.” Then I played Grumpy in “Snow White.” I went on to play many, many more male roles until well after college. 

75. I look better in skirts and dresses than I do in pants. 

76. I named my dog after a character in the book, “Beloved“ by Toni Morrison. Her name is Denver. 

2020 UPDATE: Our new dog, Feste, is also named after a literary character. Feste is the clown/fool in Shakespeare's TWELFTH NIGHT.

77. If there is cheese dip on the menu, I’m ordering it. 

78. The first inspirational quote I ever put to memory was the Chinese proverb, ”Talk does not cook rice.“ It really speaks to me about motivation and action. 

79. I have an OCD tendency -- I really, really like things to be even. Like, if things come in pairs, do not separate them. Eggs from a carton - I wilt 2 or 4, but never 1 or 3. I skim ice cream evenly across the top of the container. And I’ll straighten anything that is askew. 

80. I have never smoked cigarettes. Not a one. 

81. I find it immensely satisfying when a cat likes me... even though I am allergic to them. 

82. One of my favorite words to use is ”delicious.“

83. I have no tattoos, partly because I am deathly afraid of needles. 

2020 UPDATE: I *technically* have 8 tattoos now - very small, blue, pinprick tattoos on the left side of my chest to mark the outer areas of where the radiation would hit my body when I had Stage IIB breast cancer (before my current Stage IV diagnosis.)

Handy Dandy Radiation Machine 


84. My very first official job (besides babysitting) was at a double feature movie theater. 

85. I am an amazing parallel parker, but I am still terrified of rolling back on a hill with a manual transmission. 

86. It has never mattered to me how much (or how little) money my partner makes. 

87. The first thing people tend to notice about me are my eyes, and I really like that. 

88. In high school and college, I took summer school to get ahead - I wanted to take as many classes as possible. Super geek-dom. I also took a ”zero period“ weight lifting class in high school, which happened before school started every day, to support my varsity tennis playing skills. Super jock-dom.

89. I was the best girl’s tennis player in my high school for 3 years running, and the only freshman varsity player. It must have been all of the weight lifting (see #88.)

90. Italian food is my very, very favorite cuisine, but I crave smoked salmon or salmon sushi almost daily. 

91. I am super, super, super liberal, but came from super, super, super conservative parents. Strangely, my mother is more liberal now that she is retired. 

2020 UPDATE: My mother actually voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016!

92. I’ve never had a one night stand. 

2020 UPDATE: Very soon after the original blog posted, this was no longer true. 😂😳

93. I am right handed, but I shoot pool left handed. 

94. For my next big vacation, I want to take a road trip and not plan where to stay until I find a town that I want to stay in. It terrifies and excites me all at the same time. 

2020 UPDATE: I still haven't done this. Someday...

95. I am terrible at remembering jokes, but most people find me extremely funny. (See #57.)

96. I really, really love taking pictures, but I am afraid that if I get a good camera and learn how to use it, that it will be yet ANOTHER thing that occupies my time and I may never sleep (see #53.)

97. I think Twitter is just about the most amazing networking tool that actors have at their disposal.

2020 UPDATE: This is still true, but TikTok and Instagram are pretty fun for finding new friends/colleagues, too. Facebook is still the best, though, for deepening relationships you already have.

98. I have a ”Wizard of Oz“ Barbie in my living room because I once played Glinda. 

99. People LOVE my coffee-making skills. 

100. This list has just helped me formulate 100 things to talk about when I start dating again...


And here are 10 BONUS facts that have happened between 2010 and now...


101. I have been dating the same awesome person since November 2011. We live together with our dog, Feste, in NYC.

Here's Feste and Brandon


102. I am no longer deathly afraid of needles. (Having cancer will jigger your fears a little bit.)

103. I still talk to my drama directors/teachers from high school. 

104. Throughout 2017-2018 I was a "stand-by" for two Off-Broadway musicals, which means I would be called to perform if one of the leads was out sick or on vacation. Well, one day I was called to perform in BOTH shows on the same day - one at 2pm and the other at 4:30pm - and then I ALSO had a performance for The Seeing Place (my theater company) at 8pm. My brain practically exploded that day.

105. I spent my first time as an inpatient at a hospital in November 2018, for lung surgery after my Stage IV diagnosis.

Post Surgery Loopiness
 
106. My favorite list of cocktails has expanded past the margarita and dirty vodka martini to include straight up bourbon.

107. My favorite things to watch on TV/film are documentaries. Especially documentaries that are human interest stories or true crime. I absolutely love learning how the human mind works, and I love learning about what humans go through, who fights for them. and how they survive.

108. When I'm in between acting projects, I like to dye my hair with a funky-colored stripe.

Pink hair!

109. I lost my voice for about a year due to a mishap with lung surgery (see #105) which caused me a paralyzed vocal cord. Fortunately it was a problem that was eventually fixed, over time, by a glorious ENT and dedicated voice teacher. It was one of the most devastating things that has ever happened to me.

110. I got a blue checkmark on Twitter. Feels like I've made it...


Erin Cronican is a Stage IV breast cancer patient, whose career as a professional actor, producer, and career coach has spanned the last 25 years in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego. She has appeared in major feature films and on television, and has toured nationally and appeared Off Broadway with several plays and musicals. She is currently the Executive Artistic Director of The Seeing Place Theater in NYC. For more information, please visit www.erincronican.com.


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