New York Pick-Up Lines

I was on the subway yesterday and a man sitting next to me kept staring at me. It is pretty weird to have someone next to you actually turned in their seat to stare at you (you should try it sometime.) He had a big bushy beard and his clothes were filthy. I would have thought he was homeless, except that he didn’t have the familiar musk that the homeless are wearing these days. I tried to pay attention to my cell phone’s solitaire game, but the staring was pretty strong. I turned to him slightly and smiled as if to say, “Yes, I see you looking at me.”

He asked, “Do you want my phone number?”

I said, “Thanks, but no. I am living with someone.”

He responded, “I don’t even have a phone,” got up and got off the train, which had just pulled into the station. The people around me sort of chuckled. End of scene.

The other day I was walking home and I passed a guy who stopped in his tracks and, as I passed, said, “No one can tell ME you’re not beautiful! No, sir...”

Hmm. It’s kind of a compliment, but in order for his scenario to work there has to be someone else who does NOT think I am beautiful. One vote for, one vote against, which means I am sort of at zero. Not the best way to pick up a girl...