- Sleep. A lot. It would suck to conk out during your birthday party. The “over the hill” jokes would never cease.
- Look through your old yearbook and imagine all of the popular girls as now being fat mothers of 4.
- While looking through said yearbook, do NOT allow yourself to think that everyone in it is married but you. It is a choice, dammit.
- Become unemployed. It is really important to go into your 3rd decade with few to no prospects.
- Figure out how old you’d be in dog years: that obscenely larger number will make you feel better.
- Go online to find out how many hot celebrities are over the age of 29.
- Honor your love of “Glam Rock,” Nerds candy, Twin Peaks and classic Nintendo.
- Contemplate everything you thought you would do in your twenties, but haven’t, and mentally shift that list to your thirties. C’mon, it is socially acceptable for a thirty-something to want to leap frog through Central Park.
- Oh, god, I just said thirty-something. Wasn’t that a show in the 1990s about old people?
- Abandon “Things To Do” lists. They... uh... inhibit spontaneity. Yeah, that’s it.
ER•IN (noun) - A girl of Irish heritage, who grew up in California and now lives the life of an actor in New York City.
CRON•I•CALS (noun) - a term that describes the shenanigans that ensue when Cronican chronicles her adventures.
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