Audition Log #1

I am starting a new feature here at Theatrdiva: In Words, called, “Audition Log.” At Audition Log, I will recount to you information about an audition that has just passed- be it successful, unsuccessful, or so wildly unsuccessful I could perform an entire stand-up routine about how bad/funny the experience was.

This Audition Log is entitled: I DON’T WANNA

This evening I left the cozy confines of my home, battled fierce December temperatures as I traveled by bus and subway all the way to to Columbia University to audition for a student film. Here is the breakdown of the role:

Late 20's to Late 30's, role requires agility and flexibility, ability to bring forth desire, yearning and voracity through body movement and language. You have to understand and relay this woman's desire and desperation with a minimal of facial expression and a maximum of body activity (Upper body only)

The casting director (a student) requested, “Prepare a 3-5 minute monologue- I will also give some notes directly from the script for performance.”

When I got there, the casting director came out and handed me a script, told me to look it over and then come in when I was ready. I read the script, becoming more and more concerned as I flipped through 5 pages. The script is a dramatized version of an old joke where a child catches his mother caressing herself, moaning, “I want a man,” and low and behold, a few days later and man is at the house. The child is so impressed that he/she runs to his/her bedroom, strips down, and rubs his/herself saying, I want a bike...“

It was at this moment that I wanted to back away slowly. I was at the door, ready to walk in, and I was fantasizing about just running away. But, as an exercise in improv and true acting, I went inside ACTING LIKE I wanted to be there. They asked me to do my monologue, and then they asked me to turn my back to them, caress myself in that way that kids do when they pretend they are making out with someone, and improv a scene of saying, ”I want a man“ over and over, with different emotions, until I reached a ”climax“ and they would call ”end scene.“

Well, folks, I did it. I caressed. I moaned. I even added a sung High C at the end for effect (doesn’t everyone do that when they make out with themselves?) I believe this audition is another case of, ”Must read the script before agreeing to audition!!!“

I did sort of impress myself that I did it, though. Maybe I am not as shy as I thought...